This past year, I struggled greatly with the fact of why was I experiencing such turmoil; why was I falling on my knees with the most honest prayers that my soul could bring, and nothing happen whatsoever. I fought with myself as too why I should endure such spiritual emptiness I encountered not only in prayer but life and at prayer last Friday. God came down and with it a divine personal understanding and the poem below. That understanding was the reason which ended up being as simple as this, “glorify”, all the obstacles I fell upon, all the time where I felt as if nothing was there and the trials seemed to defeat me, He was glorified… glorified by my fall, glorified in my struggles, glorified in my pain, glorified in my shame, glorified in all the prayers that felt useless at best, glorified when my soul felt like it would never find rest, glorified in the screams of my soul in the late hours of the night, glorified in the dreams that wouldn’t cease even in the beams of daylight. All for the sake of His glory. Please be blessed by it, and if you are falling apart, remember no matter how bad it gets, just hold on, not to others but God, just hold on, as small and pitiful you may feel by holding onto God even with nothing left to give Him, just hold on.
Glorify By Daniel Filippov
‘If I have to,
Taste the grainy bitterness of earthy crust,
Burn underneath the scorching stings of its furious dust,
Scrape untouched knees by its countless fearsome stones,
And breath, just breath, without a home, all alone,
Then let it be, if this pleases you,
If I have to,
Lose the precious air my lungs so deeply and obsessively cherish,
Like sand sifting through feeble hands, watch life inevitably perish,
Be saturated in the blackest darkness just to understand what is light,
And be completely crushed to know what it is to rise up and fight,
Then let it be, if this pleases you,
If I have to,
Suffer, so that mouthy prayers become wordless unspeakable screams,
Crawl in an inescapable desert, here, downpours of rain or even a drop, unbelievable dreams,
And ultimately sacrifice blood and time in a temporarily-pleasing flesh run land,
For timeless eternity where blood becomes, blessed beyond what one can stand,
Then let it be, if this pleases you,
If I have to,
Hunger for you until mighty rivers run dry, and even the not find one single trace,
Of you, because you had rightfully turned away your glorious face,
Then let it be, if this pleases you,
All these tragedies, and still, I can thankfully say, that of all this, My heart remains overwhelmed,”
